Final battle with basement cat.

We’re very selfish people who receive a gift we can’t handle. We do the most unloving things we could have ever possibly done. We only worry about what we want, what we need, and we don't think. Yes, we know, it could’ve been a lot worse. And we bring it upon ourselves. It’s human nature.
It's our own fault that we're completely addicted to everything we do. I wish we could say the same about our God, say that we want him by our side every waking moment of our lives. I myself must’ve been lying in church when I was the only one defending the position that it is easier to love God than man. I said that God is always with us, and it’s easier to have reminders of his everlasting love through all creation and through the Bible. But now I see otherwise. It is easier to want those things which fulfill our selfish needs. God never grants our selfish requests, and that is why we try finding fulfillment elsewhere. And that is the farthest from what true love is. Shouldn’t I know better than that?
No, I'm sure we all feel like hypocrites some days. As much as we want what we want we have to make a few sacrifices. We get a gift I can’t handle, so we have to be extra careful to keep it on the shelf until the right time. Which most likely isn’t for another 6 years, right? Everyone’s lives will be a lot more fulfilling if we all learn to live by the benefits that come from that sort of sacrifice.
I'll try falling asleep now without feeling horrible for being so stupid. I know better than that! But at the same time not accepting God’s grace is like saying that it’s not perfect enough to cover every little aspect of our lives. I know people have already died without you because of my selfishness. I’ll try harder in the future. After all, I’ve gotten this far with your help, how can I doubt your perfect guidance?

--E.A.