"Nena, your concert was boring."

They gave us our burial robes, ropes to put around our necks (for honor students only, of course), and sent us off to go shake hands with very old people as a "welcome-to-our-world" gesture.

I think that the reason they held us for so long back in the utility sector of Assembly Hall was to make us really want to get out of there. I mean, seriously: you get the graduates into a hot room and make them stand for 2 hours, oh yes. They'll do anything you want us to do just to make sure the ceremony gets over with.

So gradumacation. Kind of a blur. It's something that you're expected to remember for the rest of your life and you're trying to absorb as many memories as you can and yet it still ends up a blur. For example: during every single honor night you notice how different people get different amounts of applause, and I always wonder what I get. And yet every single time I always forget to listen for applause because I'm walking across the stage thinking, "Who are all these people I'm shaking hands with?" And the way they named the wrong person valedictorian, that was pretty epic as well.

I didn't have a party, but we had a small family gathering and the highlight, of course, was our epic game of charades.

At the end of it all, though, my 5 year old brother comes up to me and says, "Nena, your concert was boring." I guess it was boring. Can boring things be memorable?

--E.A.

My own words are backed up a bit.

I guess there's a lot to say, with this being the last day of school EVER and all, but I just don't feel like saying anything. I would be recounting my highly fascinating day, but I already told Logan all about it and he's really all the audience I need (to get technical I'd add "other than God as He is my audience of one"...not gonna go there. Please nothing philosophical tonight.)
Since I'm having such a hard time writing, how about a song? This one's been in my head today. The video doesn't exactly make sense. The girl shouldn't've left. But it's still a good song.

My eyes are open wide

And by the way, I made it

Through the day

I watched the world outside

By the way, I'm leaving out today

I just saw Hayley's comet

She waved

Said why you always running in place?

Even the man in the moon disappeared

Somewhere in the stratosphere[

[Chorus]

Tell my mother,

Tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize

This is my life

I hope they understand

I'm not angry, I'm just saying,

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

(feel free to look up the rest of the lyrics)

--E.A.

5 months spent with you.

Your Mom told me that when you were little she used to say that you were just an angel floating too close to the ground.

I still think that's true.

You're my angel, my dearest and sweetest person, and I don't know where I'd be right now without you. I'm so blessed that God brought us together at a time like this, and I thank Him every day for the fact that we can be together.

And today is our little 5-month celebration (it might seem insignificant but it's a milestone). I can't wait to see you so we can go through our Bible study notes, and, my dearest angel, I'd like to dedicate this song to you today (it's been stuck in my head all day, too).

Beyonce—Halo

You're an angel because I see Christ's reflection in you.

--E.A.

What's left is no longer what's right.

This morning I got to school earlier than usual. The sun had already been up for quite a while, and the sky was covered with scattered feather clouds. I sat in my parked car and watched the janitors carry away stacks of folding chairs which were no doubt being transported to Assembly Hall for graduation. "They're already sending us off," I thought, and it was true. The school has been preparing for our graduation since we first walked through its doors; its primary purpose had always been to teach us, let us get grades, put those grades on paper and into someone else's hands, and firmly yet gently push us up on the stage and out the door.

It was an odd morning, which I spent in a partial daze. I only went to school today because I didn't want to miss out on the last few opportunities to experience all there is to high school: 1) doing the morning announcements, 2) spending time with friends before school, and 3) sitting there, tapping my fingers on the desk for an hour while pretending to read and watch Saved By The Bell in study hall.

And that's why I found myself going to the library at 9 o'clock, heading out the door into the warm morning, at 68 degrees, sunny, with 55% humidity, a 51-degree dew point, and 10-mile visibility. It smelled oddly like summer and winter at the same time: the air was still and clear enough, like in winter, to have a detectable hint of small-city smog, yet warm and humid enough to make you imagine the smell of sunscreen.

The town was in vacation mode already: the students checked out last Saturday, the downtown restaurants seemed to be busy with what might have seemed like spring cleaning, and even the local palm-reader had a $10 special because she knew everyone was gone for the summer. I drove very slowly, frustrating the drivers behind me, partially in a daze and partilaly simply observing my surroundings. As a habit I parked far from the library (even though for the past year I normally parked in the "Fine For Parking" area), but I soon realized that the lot was absolutely empty--everyone was gone. It's time for us to go as well.

This must be what it feels like to be of old age. When you know it's time to let someone else take your place. When you want to go just because you're afraid that the things you love will become stale and boring. When you've mastered the art and can only sit back and watch others attempt climbing the same hills. And when the first minute of Metallica's "The Unforgiven III" keeps playing over and over in my head.

Listen to the song and tell me if that doesn't sound exactly like what's going through your head right now.

--E.A.

Have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day!

Every morning after I do the morning announcements I drop the papers in the tray, pick up my books, and give the people in the office a cheery parting greeting usually along the lines of “everyone have a good day!” or “everybody take care!”. Everyone usually replies with either “you too, honey” or “thank you, have a good day”.

Today, just because it’s a Tuesday and I have been at school since 6:50 in the morning, I decided to switch it up and over-emphasize the wonderful cheerfulness of the day (I do that a lot).

“Everyone have the most amazingly super-awesome day!” I called today.
“You too, honey, have a good day!” everyone called (that, or a variation of that).

And then I had an interesting revelation: I wished everyone a good day once, and everyone wished me a good day right back. We are called to bless others, and when we do our blessings are brought back to us and multiplied. Therefore, whatever we wish to others will be brought back to us. Whatever we give will be multiplied and given back to us.

I don’t know what the exact verse reference is for this one, but it’s somewhere in Matthew I’m sure. Here’s the main point, though (however you apply this metaphorically): if you want to have the most amazingly super-awesome day, let go of it for yourself and wish it to someone else first. Then it’ll come back to you in more ways than you can imagine.

Comic not quite fitting but funny regardless.

--E.A.

To each his own.

There's nothing like that last high school honor night when all the seniors take turns walking across the stage and hearing their accomplishments read to the audience. The experience is different for all of us I'm sure: some only receive a Physical Fitness Award or a Core 40 diploma while others announce their departure to Harvard or receiving over $100,000 in scholarships. At such honor nights there is always a lot of cheering, bored glancing at the walls, and checking out how others in the class dressed up for the occasion. There are also a lot of green-eyed monsters running around.

I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that the old saying stands true: to each his own. Just like when we pledged our allegiance to Christ and were given spiritual gifts based on how we would best be able to serve others, same way now, upon our exit from high school, we are given various merits which would best help us during college years. If person 1 is given $80,000 in tuition and person 2 only $10,000, person 1 will be going to a private out of state college and person 2 to a local school, the proportion of tuition money is still the same.

So I, with $1000 in my hands and $20,000 on credit, walked across the stage thinking "don't trip don't trip don't trip". That's how we go through life, most of the time. Thinking: 1) don't trip, 2) where do I fit into the bigger picture, and 3) why did someone get this and I only got that?

I'm pretty happy with the turnout of the night. My parents weren't able to attend the program, which is fine because it was super-boring. If they just wanted to see me walk across a stage and have my name read then they'll definitely have more chances for that in the future (ie.potential book promos, etc.) Currently, though, I am hiding the night's program from mom because she has a habit of going on about how someone else got this-and-this and I didn't. I might show it to her some years down the road if she's still interested.

In any case, watch this video below. It'll put things in perspective.



--side hugs, E.A.

PLATYPUS!

So I took a break from my Bible study today and decided to go read some of my favorite Christian blogs. I read through my usual portion of Stuff Christians Like and Hey look, a chicken!, followed by God's Blog. That last one always makes me laugh the hardest, because sometimes you just have to be reminded that yes, God has a sense of humor. And he cares about every little detail of our lives. He laughs when we laugh over the latest Fail Blog additions, and he wants us to spend time with him, to get to know him.

Well, today I found this on the Crummy Church Signs blog, and I had to repost it:

I just thought this was really funny, not so much the sign itself as the caption under it. Then I walked around asking everyone all kinds of questions about platypuses...or platypi? That is yet another question unanswered.

--E.A.

Beginning my outreach.

Recently, about a few weeks ago, God has gently nudged me in a new direction: picking up a writing project. I have been asking for one for quite some time but have never had any good ideas.
Then, one day, an idea was given to me in Physics class. No class has given me a clearer picture of the magnificence of our God like Physics has, so it is no wonder that that's exactly where the idea was born.
The thing is--over the years I have accumulated books about effective writing or those by influential authors which I have always wanted to read but haven't had time to. Now, though, God has not only provided the time but also the sudden need to read them, and I take that as a sign of the beginning of a new chapter in my writing career.

I recently realized that even though I sometimes take my writing for granted (and compare it to other people's, such as that of famous authors who are my role models) it is a gift. I saw that when I had to help a friend write a paragraph about herself for a job listing and she just couldn't string her words together.

In 8th grade God urged me to start writing on a regular basis. Over the years he has provided me with valuable role models and promises for my future life as an author. Recently he has urged me to start blogging (I'm still not fully caught on to that idea), but now I see the benefit of that--networking.
And that's where I am right now. I am beginning to do my outreach work, starting to build connections. I am constantly in contact with people on Stuff Christians Like, which directs new people to my cause. I am constantly in contact with people from The Rebelution. I am building a wide base of connections in order to pave a way for my future work and for Christ through my work.

I'm really excited about this new book idea. I know it'll go somewhere because God revealed to me that it'll turn out significant, and he never says anything he doesn't mean. Isn't that just great?

--E.A.

In ze library.

I usually spend my mornings in the school library doing whatever I didn't get done the day before. Sometimes, though, between planning out senior pranks or writing about nebulas for physics class, I get caught up with thinking up ideas for my new book.

Here are three questions I'd like you to answer:
1. If you knew you could not fail, what would you attempt?
2. If you had an hour to live, what would you do?
3. If you could do anything consequence-free (get away with it), what would you do?

I have really great hopes for this book. It'll be a psychological thriller that will certainly make you think. I've thought about this far too many times, and I think these questions interest everyone. I won't give away the overall theme, but it'll be good.

Because really...we already have a magical world with a boy wizard, a girl-next-door princess, a heartthrob vampire, and a few other books which have been written by other people but any and all of which I myself could've written had someone else not gotten to them first. So right now I'm praying for God to give me an idea that will gain common acceptance and popularity so I can jump-start my writing career. I'll come up with a list of my favorite authors and post it sometime soon.

--E.A.

God likes bikes. Yes, yes He does.

So...just as an update I'd like to say that the Lord blessed me with a selling AND a buying opportunity on the same day.I got an offer for my old bike (the 2003 Trek), and the same day God sent me an answer to my prayers about which bike to buy: someone answered my "wanted" ad from a month ago.

Once I saw the bike they were offering me I knew that it was "the one"--God lovingly provided for me exactly what I needed right when I needed it.The more awesome thing? The bike God provided is a 2006 Trek 1000--a newer (and bigger) version of the bike I was selling, which is exactly what I needed!

Did you ever get the full story? Don't ask how it happened, but I accidentally bought the wrong size bike (craigslist, of course). A 50cm (I'm 5'11...yeah). Right away I began the painstaking search for a new bike, but nothing came along.

At the same time, my chiropractic treatments resumed. I was not supposed to ride until about a month into treatments. Now, as I look back, I realize that I probably would have been riding (and thus messing up my back even more) had I not made the size mistake. So I thank God for this little oops.

Also, God had a way to turn this into a blessing: I was able to sell the "wrong" bike for more than I bought it for. In fact, the amount I got for it ended up being the exact amount the "right" bike cost me! So it's like a swap sandwich with blessings in the middle. All-around good deal that came out of a rather desperate situation. God is great.

Another cool thing? The "wrong" bike sold EXACTLY a month after it was wrongfully bought, and on that same day my new offer arrived. The moment I saw the message in my mailbox I knew it was a sign from God to buy this bike. I didn't hesitate when I saw it, I knew it was the one for me.

THIS BE THE "WRONG" BIKE: 2003 Trek 1000:

HERE BE THE "NEW" BIKE: 2006 Trek 1000: (kindly provided for me by God himself)

I can testify that everything I needed has been caringly provided to me at just the right time. God loves us so much he cares about our bikes. And we all know Jesus'd have been a cyclist if they had bikes back in his day. :)

--E.A.

The extinction of the velociraptor: scheduled within the next 3 weeks.

Yes, it is so.
I do believe the number one thing we'll all (me and my friends) miss from high school is the spontaneous velociraptor attacks.
Spilled your salad at lunch? Blame the the velociraptor.
Tripped? It's the velociraptor.
Totally lost your train of thought in class? The velociraptor.
I tried compiling a list of other things I'll miss, but I haven't been able to come up with many.
For example, we'll miss:
1- Stupid teacher quotes
2- Beep-beep of bells
3- SRT (playing cards, wasting time, and laughing at the people on the SRT show)
4- Ms. Ryser and her bootlegging incidents.
5- Cool teachers (ie. the Berzins, both of 'em)
6- Lunch buddies (ahoy for lunch at home in college)
7- Senioritis!!! We'll no longer have a legitimate reason to slack off and not care about school!
8- Mixed freshman/senior classes (putting 14-18 year olds in the same classroom = disaster)
9- "Kick-a-freshman" days
10- Cookie wrappers stuffed inside lockers
11- Anything pertaining to the concept of lockers, ie. decorating other people's with embarrassing messages, breaking into them, figuring out who keeps theirs open, decorating your own with spongebob coloring pages, etc.
12- Drunk-driving lectures before prom from overly emotional old ladies who had their moms-dads-brothers-sisters-children-inlaws-soulmates-shipmates-acquaintances-cousins twice removed killed in accidents.
13- Pointless school clubs which proclaim that collecting 20 cans for a food drive counts as "doing good work"
14- Robert!
15- The train game
16- People who claim to be "political environmental activists" and yet can't figure out a solution to the lunch tray problem (I should do a separate post on this because seriously: if I am more concerned about your environment than you are (oh you who tell us to "love your Mother earth") then you know something is wrong)
17- People who don't know how to support their opinions (and are thus really entertaining to have debates with)
18- Seeing the special ed kids in the halls every morning and smiling at them just to see how many smiles I can get back
19- Getting free access to research sites/city newspaper
20- Mr. Pizzo (Mr. P if you're reading this right now just know that I'm in B217 and you're welcome to come in for a visit...I know you're watching!!! By the way, I had no printer privileges for over a year thanks to you! Oh yes, and I saw you run into the library door once because your umbrella got caught on the handle. Just thought I'd let you know.)

That's my humble list for now. I'll add more later if I think of something.
Government class is almost over, I have to pretend like I've been doing something productive. An, that's yet another thing I'll miss, because in college you can be unproductive and nobody really cares.

--E.A.

Riding today.

I can't remember exactly what I wanted this post to be about because I lost my train (or trek, with no cycling pun intended) of thought when I went on MapQuest to try figuring out my exact trip distance. Since the bike I am riding right now is listed for sale on eBay (check it out http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=170330475635 ) and Craigslist, I decided not to put on the cyclocompurer which would normally calculate my distance for me.

Funny: I was riding on Rhorer today and they have horses. Since I just scaled a huge hill I was getting a drink from my water bottle, but the horses distracted me so right as I reached to put the bottle back in the cage slip-it-goes onto the road and rolls down into the ditch. Of course I get off my bike (and the horses are watching me, I'm sure they'd be laughing if they knew what was happening) and walk to retreive my bottle. Just then an older cyclist rides past me, laughing, and says, "That's what I call groundwater." I just laughed, too. Apparently he was behind me the whole time (he saw me struggle up that hill, ugh, and saw me totally throw my bottle).

Okay this is a picture of my bike from eBay, and I don't know if it'll still be here when the listing goes down. Please pray that the darn thing would sell already so I can buy a bike that fits me. I'm really tired of having a sore neck from the fact that it's too small and the handlebars are too far down.

--E.A.

Graduations & Weddings.

Out of all the things today which could have made me laugh, IU CREDIT UNION made my day today.
I was having a hard time getting my PayPal accounts to work with my new eBay account (anyone wanna buy a road bike, by the way?) and I was absolutely frustrated and almost ready to cry.
Until I tried setting up security questions for my IUCU account.
Well, apparently on their site they tell you what security questions you have to answer, so my first question was "What year did you graduate from high school?" Even though that's still exactly 3 weeks in my future, I put 2009. It's the correct answer, right? IUCU didn't think so.
I got "Denied!"
So they ask me my next question: "What month is your wedding anniversary? (Enter full name of month)." I honestly didn't know what to say for that one. The answer "Um...what?" only brought me back to the "Please try again" screen and we started all over with the graduation question.

And why is it called a "challenge" question anyways? While you might say that for some it might be challenging to remember their own wedding anniversary, it honestly can't be that hard. After about 10 rounds of battling with the Stupid Question Bot I got a good question I was able to answer: "What city were you born in?" Easy, right?

Well. I entered in my birth city. AND IT GOT DENIED. Seriously!! Does the Stupid Question Bot think it knows where I was born or something? I typed in the right answer about 5 times, after which the automated system logged me out and told me to "contact the administrators". Hm.
I remember answering security questions at the bank, but if they never asked me when my wedding anniversary was, why would they offer that as a security question? That's ridiculous.
Even though I got some laughs I'm still really frustrated.



--E.A.

Your and your smiles are all I live for.

If Christ is all that's good, then there can be nothing good apart from him.
Therefore, when we are apart from Christ, or are under the illusion that we are withdrawn from the presence of Christ, nothing good can exist.
Therefore, nothing good is in us when we are apart from Christ.
Nothing in us is good when Christ is not with us.

That is why I'm so terrified of stepping out of the lines God's created for me: I'm terrified of myself to the point of nightmares. My own person is nothing apart from God. Nothing I do will be good apart from God. All plans I start apart from God will fail.

When I am in God's light I see Jesus in the mirror, because He gave himself for my life and God sees His reflection in my heart when I honestly seek his ways and accept his grace.
When I am out of God's light I see the girl from The Exorcist. If you want nightmares type that into Google. You'll see what I look like. What you look like.

Every day I choose to die to what I want in order to get what I need, which is always graciously and abundantly (as well as undeservedly) provided to me by Christ. Every moment I have to die in order to let Christ live in me. I have to hold myself by the neck with a deathgrip every single day of my life until my last breath. If I let my real nature take the best of me for even one second, I lose it all. Every moment for me is like a moment spent in a pit with lions. Whom I will gladly allow to rip apart my body, knowing that they cannot take my soul.
...etc.

I just want to apologize to everyone I might have hurt today. May I quote our recent scripture?
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...As it is, it is no longer i myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Please forgive me. I try my best for You (and you, both of yous at the same time for the same purpose). I'm always trying to put You and you above myself, in that order. As much as I say that I would carry Your heaviest cross and take your toughest AP test just so You and you wouldn't have to go through it, that type of self-sacrificial love is only tested by time. Real love, whose path I deviate from oh-so-many times.
On one hand, You know what's in my heart before I think it or write it.
On the other hand, you won't get to read this until much later. Just know that this was here all along.

--E.A.

I am.

In sociology today we did the only productive and fun activity I feel like we'll do the whole trimester. We had to write down 20 qualities that describe our personality and then the teacher read them to the class and we all tried guessing who was who. Here are some of the ones I put down:
1. Christian
2. Russian
3. Writer
4. Conservative
5. Leader
6. Outspoken
7. Likes heavy metal
8. Piano player
9. IU student
10. Reliable
11. Straight-forward
12. Science tutor
13. Supportive
14. Introspective

etc. It's a really lame list. I acknowledge that.
But I want to switch it up for just now. Why don't I think of some things I'm not?
I'm not:
1. A monkey
2. A real writer (sadly I consider that to be as true as #1)
3. Russian by culture (by birth/heritage only)
4. A worm-can picker
5. An overly social person
6. Perfect

That brings me to another important point, something that would put a more of a realistic spin on this post and make it useful (refer to #2 above). All sins are the same in the sight of God. Murder is more than killing. Lies are more than speaking. Because they are all the same God forgives them with equal fervor. However, the Bible does give us a clear description of what we all are:
1. Idolaters
2. Liars
3. Adulterers
4. Murderers
5. Slanderers
6. Thiefs
7. Coveters

And yet how beautiful it is to know that, while we are all those things, God's grace extends to cover every single one with the image of Jesus' perfection.
It is only through God that I am able to be all the things I listed in the very first list.
It is only through God that I can overcome and become more.
And it is only through God that I can be something greater than the passing moment.
Better than the earth I came from.

Etc.

--E.A.

Recycling my thoughts.

I had to go to the recycling center today to pick up “containers with lids” for the mural I'll be painting. I had no idea they had so much random junk at the recycling center! They even have a clothes rack. I really didn’t like being at the recycling center because it felt like I was going through trash, which wasn’t pleasant. And I only found two good containers for paint.
I always thought I had a clear grasp on the conditions of less fortunate people, but I think that we are all doing a lot of wishful thinking there. We are not very understanding at all. I felt like, “ew, recycling center, I don’t want to touch stuff,” all the while I watched two older ladies going through the clothes rack. Maybe I need to get out more. Not “out”, but more like out there, doing something productive with myself. I'm not narrow-minded and I do enjoy serving people, but today it was just interesting to note that my thought pattern on location didn't go with my usual thought pattern.

I never really thought about this so much, but I’ve recently realized that the mental list of “things I’d like to one day see happen” is my list of goals. This is kind of fascinating, and these are in no particular order really, but in my lifetime I want to:
1. Donate $1,000,000 (or more! The more God blesses me the more I’ll bless others!)
2. Travel to Africa with missions
3. Travel to India with missions
4. Write a popular novel series
5. Learn to play the Balalaika
6. Adopt a child
7. Skydive
8. Travel Europe and Asia
9. Help revolutionize Christianity in Russia
10. Get a D.D.S. degree
11. Then have lots of pretty babies (emphasis on the “lots” and the “pretty”)
12. Then be a housewife for a while (this is where the “write a popular novel series” will most likely happen)
13. Then open my practice
14. Then open a boutique (I’ll be overworked, I know)
I just want to do AWESOME STUFF FOR GOD. That sums up my life’s goals. Whatever that takes, really.

Okay I have no idea where this thought is going. I kind of lost it after a while. How this all ties into the recycling center I'm not quite sure.

--E.A.

Pictures that make smile like this ---> :D

--E.A.

CUY?

GUINEA PIGS! (<----Delicious Pictures!)

Ingredients
2 lrg guinea pigs
2 red onions, chopped
4 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tsp cumin
1 tsp white pepper
2 tsp salt
2 tbl water
2 tbl cooking oil
annatto (for coloring)
Peanut Dipping Sauce

Directions
Mix ingredients well and spread over the inside and outside of the animal. Allow to marinate for up to one day to allow flavors to meld. Before roasting, remove excess marinade to avoid scalding. Insert a steak into the back part of the animal and allow to exit from the jaw. Once on the stick, tie the front and back feet, stretching out the legs. Put on grill, turning manually. Continue to apply lard to the skin to avoid drying out the meat. The cuy is ready when the skin is close to bursting. Serve with boiled potatoes sprinkled with coriander, chilies, and the Peanut sauce. If your community is especially progressive, rice may be substituted for the potatoes.

Bon Appetit!

--E.A.