Hello world.

Finally.
It's been so long.
And after a long and hard-fought battle with settling into my new life, I think I've finally arrived.
College knocked the wind out of me and it took forever to catch my breath. There wasn't time for anything. My life revolved around classes, stressing about classes, possibility of failing classes (ahem Calculus...I hate it), bus schedules, bike racks, and goodness knows what else.
What my life didn't revolve around, I must tell you, is my usual Bible study times. Let me tell you now that if you're too busy for God not only are you TOO BUSY but you're also missing out. You see, if you spend time with God in the morning, God might just add time to your day. You'll feel more accomplished. You'll be more productive. Some learn the hard way.
My writing also took a hiatus, simply because...because it was hard to write and also because the closer I've gotten to Logan the more I told him instead of writing it all down. As long as someone witnessed bits and pieces of my life, be it in writing or in spoken form, I was okay.

But then I saw a movie. I won't mention which one (yet) but it totally opened a floodgate of emotion and of thinking and of just...everything. And through that experience God gave me an idea....

"I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love..."
And so it began. Finally a plot was coming together for a new book that I think God would give me enough will to write. My life is finally settling down. In fact, I'm picking out my spring semester classes tonight. It's late, but there's a reason for my being on that hiatus...I've learned so much about, just, people that I have enough material to write for the rest of my life.

I'll see how it goes.


-E.A.

Bite me, writing, bite me.

No writing lately because all the writing courses that I took over the summer have completely sucked the love for writing right out of me. I only do it for myself, and the only person who ever gets to read any of my personal journals is Logan (at least for now). He says it's good writing, but...blah. I'm over writing for a while.
Hiatus time.
That's such a great word.
In the meantime let me reach into my bag of awesome pictures and find a random one for you to look at.
Hm...here we go.


Yeah, nevermind. Calculus homework time.
--E.A.

This is how I feel.

I know I haven't been keeping up with the posts, but that's because college calculus is way more evil than I expected. I can only thank-thank-thank Mr. Raney for providing me with enough high school calculus instruction to survive this. And Mr. Bobay, for the Algebra. Thanks.

In the meantime college is for meeting new people. But when you sit down next to someone the conversation usually goes like this.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"My name is Elena."
"I'm..., nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, too."
"Where are you from?"
"Here in Bloomington...Well, originally from Russia, but I went to high school here so this is like my hometown" (Seriously, this is my tagline now.) "You?"
"I'm from...(fill in really lame place here)"
"That's nice."
"So where do you live?"
"Oh, haha, I live off campus" (That always sounds better than "at home") "How about you?"
"I'm in (fill in really lame dorm here)"
"That's nice."
"So what's your major."
"...."

I DON'T HAVE A MAJOR BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!
I usually say something like Chemistry or Biology or "I'm a writer", depending on how I feel that day (sometimes I say something totally out of the blue, like "Underwater basket-weaving").
But this is how I feel:






Check out Garfield Minus Garfield if you want more of the same.

--E.A.

New Favorite Song

So, recently I went to this outdoor concert in Bryan Park that featured Krista Detor. I've honestly never heard of her before, but this is definitely my most recent favorite song. I've never thought of myself as being into mellower and sunnier music, but her music and words just, speak, like I've never heard before. Absolutely beautiful. I encourage you to check out her website.

"A Red Bowl" by Krista Detor. (I had to type up the lyrics myself because they don't have them online.)
Listen below or open this link in a new window: http://www.freewebs.com/locachicarusa/A%20Red%20Bowl.mp3

Green limes in a red bowl
On a table
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.
Green limes in a red bowl
On a table
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.
If I had a dime for every drop of rain
If I had a million-dollar name,
Would you like me better?
Would it all be better?
Blue bird on the fence post
By the hostas
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.
Blue bird on the fence post
By the hostas
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.
If I had a house in the city
And a man who answered my door,
And your pretty picture,
Would it all look better?
Red coat on the white chair
By the front door
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.
Red coat on the white chair
By the front door
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.
If I promised I’d love him forever
Could it all be better?
Such a pretty picture.
If I had a dime for every drop of rain,
If I had a million-dollar name,
And fortune and fame,
Could it all be…?
Could he love me…?
Green limes in a red bowl
On a table
And I don’t know what you’re calling for.


--E.A.

I'm so cool...

So yes, staying up at 5:30 in the morning with a bunch (that's 50 or so) middle-schoolers is officially cool. Another lock-in means another bout with social insomnia for me, plus it's really cold and they're watching, ugh, "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends".

Okay I give up on things to write.

I know I have college stuff soon and I need to prepare for that.

Plus, nobody reads this anyways. Especially at 4:30 in the morning.

-E.A.

Hi!

K, I know I haven't been on here lately (no kidding) but I promise I'll post something interesting soon. I just had a really busy summer (lots of time away from home), so. Yeah.

For now, enjoy:

--E.A.

Vintage swimsuits for the modesty freak.

I love vintage swimsuits. Seriously. If everyone had one of these there'd be a lot less troubles in the world. (Okay really I could go into the whole deal about how girls of this time don't know modesty and how we need to cover up for the sake of our guys' innocent minds (right) but that's another discussion).



LOOK. AT. THIS.
The reason I'm posting it here is for personal future reference & because my "Favorites" folder is disabled on this computer.


I found that swimsuit HERE and the price tag is only $130.

And speaking of vintage things, how nice is this:

Definitely goes with the beach theme.
& I had no idea it was called a 'parasol'...I guess that makes sense in Spanish

Okay that's my shopping rant for the day.
--E.A.

Awesomeness.

Thanks, Norm, for so timely updating the deCycles website. It never ceases to be a source of entertainment for me.
For example:

This makes me think of that scary kids' show where they sing,

"There's a party in my tummy. So yummy! So yummy!"

That reminds me of this:

Not really. Maybe I just miss Michael Jackson. Maybe I'm just weird. I don't know.

"The Yankees are coming!" This is a very inspiring picture.

And this last one where he looks like Eeyore. Off by himself. See, this is when you get out your phone and call me, silly.

There's more where that came from but those are the highlights.

--E.A.

Fun at the mall (a rare treat).

After 2 hours, I was glad my parents finally came to pick me up: the people were starting to think I was insane.

Seriously. This is the worst way to spend the morning of your 4th-of-July: Stranded at the mall, at Starbucks to be certain, with "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" stuck in your head. Nothing can be worse.
Okay, well, there is one thing that can be worse: in addition to all the above, sitting at the mall for so long that you decide "maybe I shouldn't return to that store and hit that sale again". NO! BAD GIRL. Thinking like that is not allowed in the modern society.

So I gave the people there a reason to think I'm insane by laughing hysterically every time someone went into the "Do Not Enter" doors in Target. Because the thing is, they will open for you even though you're not supposed to go in there. So there'll be a group, 3 or 4 people, and one goes through these wrong doors and there's always that one other smart-alleck who points out the "Do Not Enter" sign. The hilarity then begins when the person who already walked through the doors looks around, lost, backs up (you can almost hear the "beep-beep" like on the dump trucks), and walks out a laughingstock.
Seriously, highlight of my day.

I went in to buy new hair color (I'm going through that season where Mom finally realizes that I'm almost 19 and that I'm going to college). I ended up buying 4 new B&BW mists (sweet pea, vanilla noir, midnight pomegranate, and wild honeysuckle) as well as 2 lotions (sensual amber (my favorite!) and midnight pomegranate) and two mini-lotions (warm vanilla sugar and butterfly flower). Now, trust me, I won't have a reason to go back to that store for about 2 years. Thank goodness.

And then I bought these shoes at Charlotte Russe, although I don't know where in the world I would wear them.
Some days I feel like I should be living in New York, the heart of the publishing industry, bustling with agents and editors and people who will read my books.
Then, on other days, I realize that this is just what happens when Logan & I are apart for two long: I get my head stuck in the clouds and continuously change my personality. When he's here I'm more reluctant to change.


But I feel different still. I feel more like a writer. I'm well on my way to my first manuscript, a writing job, and a college education. Odd how our circumstances can do that.



Stay awesome.
--E.A.

Doing a lot of stuff & getting there.

I'm getting myself (still & again & yet) into the world of publishing. Here are some general details:

1. I've been reading a lot of PWs in the library. In fact, I schedule a "library hour" early in the morning, combining it with my bike exercise--bike to the library, read, bike around, and bike home. Perfect.


2. Writer's Digest is better than PW, although I do enjoy PW's reviews.


3. Been catching up on a lot of reading--various Christian chick-lit authors, Meg Cabot's journals, serious authors, some Ted Dekker, Ken Follett, Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook is soooo much better in movie form), & many others.

4. I bought an Alphasmart 3000--seriously, best thing ever invented, and it's definitely going to be awesome, because all this time I was thinking "I wish I had something to type on on-the-go," and here it was! And I got a chance to get really in-your-face competitive on eBay.

5. Been honing my writer's craft with some books by Noah Lukeman. Amazing man.

6. Been collecting ideas from any and all sources, as well as possible ideas for my future works. I want to write both serious and humorous, but I don't know how to combine both quite yet. And the Christian chick-lit market is wide open for someone (read: me) to come in and steal the spotlight.

7. Plan on attending the Write-to-Publish conference next summer in Wheaton, IL to meet some agents.

8. Bought a "book" I wrote when I was 15. Finally. "Ships in 10 to 12 business days".

Speaking of which, I'd like to publish the "note from the author" I added to the last page of my "book":

I never thought the day would come when I would be able to look at this script again. You know how it goes: after you’ve done so many drafts of something and you can quote the text so well that it’s practically oozing out of your ears there comes a time when you say “Enough!” and run screaming. That’s how this book finally made its way to print. Someone (read: I) said, “I just want to have this thing on my shelf already so I can hold it in my hands and say, ho-hum, this is my first unpublished novel which I wrote at age 15. now let’s move on to better things.”
So finally printing this book (quite an expensive venture, I must add), is like a comforting gesture to me. Like saying “AH-HA!” (to be said in one of those Mickey Mouse-type voices) “been there, done that!”
And, as the Russians would say, the first pancake is always in a ball. Or ball-shaped. A mess, basically.
So this book is a pancake. Mmm…that sounds good right now.

However, there remains to be one person to be thanked, and he is too blindingly amazing for the acknowledgements section. The mastermind behind all my work, from the beginning on April 2nd, 2004, through this book, and till now. The genius who has the best plot ideas. The comedian responsible for all your rolling-on-the-floors and laughing-out-louds. The wiz of characterization, suspense, and, basically, the one who writes every single scene for me. He is my AwesomeO-4000 life partner, my super-ninja writing buddy, my splendiloquent insider and adviser, and overall my best friend. The name’s Christ. Jesus Christ. I tip my hat to you, Sir.


Indeed.
I get a lot of my inspiration for writing here.


--E.A.

What we are is God's gift to us.

In the midst of confusion and nearly crying over the frustration of having to decide the rest of my life by choosing my college schedule, and in a sudden flash of perhaps divine inspiration (during a written prayer for showing me what to do) I wrote the following:

To each of us You give our own unknown. You know each of our paths of life the best,Transforming our heart into your ownIn ways you know we will be blessed.I never would have guessedYour throneCould have been reached through ways you’ve shown,But faithful walk of life remains my test.


What we possess is nothing in Your eyes.We live in darkness that we think to be the light.We feel our way, and we like blind men riseTo fall away again; it is our blightTo think our flight a glorious fight.To think we’re wiseBelieving easy lovely liesWhich tell us that our blood-stained clothes are white.


Thus nothing good can be apart from You.And thus we must accept the hand we’re given.And know that we’ll be carried throughAll lies by which we’re driven,And our blood-stained clothes are white because we’re forgiven:Because of You.And not to us the glory’s dueBecause, apart from You, we’re just relivingPast mistakes; Through which we’re shown:To each of us You give his own.

I found this illustration and I think it's really fitting.

--E.A.

1/2 A YEAR.

I'm somewhat at a loss of words, simply because the best things in life either go unspoken or don't need to be said. Therefore I will not attempt commenting any further on the event itself but will rather report the facts:

a half a year doesn't seem that long but at the same time the time seems to have stood still.

if it is God's will, i hope half a year becomes a year, and then many more.

(travel update: I'm somewhere by British Columbia and I have no idea how I got there...

on a similar note, Glacier National Park seems to have one fatal and critical flaw: no phone service. And no phone service means I was near tears the whole day (despite the breathtaking views) because I couldn't call a certain someone.)

--E.A.

"What did a fish say when it hit the concrete wall?" -- "Dam."

The day is ending the same way it began: with me sitting with a wad of tissue up my nose wondering why it's bleeding. Maybe it's payback for the two times I successfully elbowed Logan in the nose? Maybe it's the mountains? Maybe it's just my stupid nose.

Our rafting guide from the trip actually said this today as we were merrily floating along:
"So when you all write in your diary today you have to say this:
Dear Diary,

I had a lot of fun on the rafting trip today with our wonderful guides who did a great job even though we were almost smitten by lightning."

Indeed.

All through the day today I kept having all these great things to say pop up in my head but, unfortunatly, I did not have pen and paper nearby and my short-term memory is...oh look, a squirrel. Especially since I have to use another one of the hotel computers in the lobby and the first time I came down they were all taken. So I went up to the front desk and asked, "Are these the only guest computers you have in your establishment."
The guy gave me a we-get-that-question-a-lot look and said, "Yes maam."

"But..." I started in a but-mom! voice, "I have my own business that needs prompt attention!" Yeah. The business of making sure the thoughts in my mind don't clog the blood supply to my brain.

Kidding. I wish I said that, but instead I went up to my room and helped myself to some more broccoli soup, orange chicken, and a reading of "Jackson Daily".

On our rafting trip today we had more fun than we imagined. Our 3-hour raft tour was caught in the middle of a huge thunderstorm. Even though we signed up for a "scenic" trip, we ended up taking a "whitewater" trip on the same route. Lightning was hitting about every 10 second and we had to have an emergency pull-off into some trees on the side of the river. It was actually kind of awesome, even though we were absolutely soaked (despite the raingear) and it was about 52 degrees. It was definitely a once in a lifetime experience, having to do all the survivor stuff and everything.

Our guide, Maria, was completely awesome. Apparently in the winter she teaches communication classes to "enginerds" at the University of Utah, so she kept us entertained through the whole trip. I listened closely to her manner of speech, and she used so many interesting metaphors and expressions that I wish I had brought along my notepad.

We saw a few pelicans but, sadly, the only moose I saw so far was on the logo of my Abercrombie jacket.

Now I'm just waiting for the deCycles blog to update. I really want to know what they're up to, as today is the first day of their wonderful trip. I got a brief from Logan, who mentioned that he got a wonderful butterfly kiss today.

"From an actual butterfly, I hope," I told him.

He laughed. "Yes, a butterfly hit me in the mouth as I was riding along the highway."
"Well," I said, "It was one of my messengers, to send kisses your way."
"Oh really?" he laughed again. "Then what color was it?"

I thought. "Yellow." My favorite color, of course.

"Wow, so it was from you."

And now I think I'll let someone else use the computer.

--E.A.

Woohoo for Wyoming.

So I guess we're in Wyoming. I'm writing from a hotel right now and at least I'm glad they have computers.
Plane ride was fun. To an extent. I'm sad I only got 1 bag of peanuts because I like those. :(
Driving was boring, but Ken Follett is a wonderful writer so I read quite a bit.
We'll be driving up to Yellowstone tomorrow. Whoo.
Okay I have nothing more to say so I'll go back up to the room.

Someone I'll miss a lot.

I won't get to see this face for 26 days.

He's going on his biking trip to the East until July 12th and I'm going to Yellowstone until June 29th. I'll miss you like a fat kid on a diet misses cake! Have a good trip, and please be safe.

& I'm sure you'll miss your boat. :)

1 Thessalonians 5:28: "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you."
--E.A.

My personal writing & file save win.

So, yesterday I wrote about the possibility of all my writing and pictures being lost because, unexpectedly, my computer decided to super-act-up and completely break. I stayed up really late because I had to come to grips with the reality that all my work has been lost forever, and that was very tough. I finally accepted it, and my day went as follows:
Get up, 9am.
Chat with HP customer service until 2pm.
Make a note of lack of professionalism.
Remove and reinstall hard drive/RAM.
2:30pm drive to Best Buy to get the Geek Squad to look at it.
Laugh because the Geek Squad guy reminded me of Micah.
3pm Geek Squad said it was a "motherboard" problem. Send it in.
4pm Get details from lady on sending it in.
Note lack of English-speaking skills of this lady, who took 15 minutes just to spell my last name.
4:30pm Go back to Geek Squad and dish out a beefy sum to get my memory backed up.
5pm Get picked up by Logan for dinner with his family.

This made me think about these things:
1. I payed quite a price to have my files moved to a disk before they get wiped out at HP. Is it worth that much for memories?
Answer: YES
2. What purpose do I write for?
Answer: I realized that my writings aren't personal journals, they're meant to be shared with an audience. Therefore...
3. Does lack of audience devalue my writing?
Answer: YES
4. Was I upset about losing all my writing because nobody got to read it or because it was my personal memories?
Answer: Most of my writing is the story of what God's done in my life. Therefore, not to have shared it takes out its value and purpose of sharing all He's done for me.
5. What upsets me most about the possibility of having lost my writing?
Answer: The fact that people might not get a clear understanding of what was going on behind the scenes or who I am.

Solutions:
1. You have a blog, use it. Publish.
2. Live so people don't have to refer to your writing to find out what you really think.

I think this was God's call to action. I've been on the fence about writing a novel for quite a while, so I think this is a clear pointer to "writing" and what needs to be done with it. So off I go.

--E.A.

Please tell me this is not happening.

Hey, for all I know my laptop might just be having a bout. Maybe this is God's way of letting me have some time away from it for a while and have some important questions answered. It kind of does come at a very ironic time, but the timing here isn't actually the matter.
I'm absolutely devastated.
I have grounds to believe that my brand-new laptop wiped out 5 years worth of my work.
I was planning on backing it up later that day.

It's not easy to come to terms with stuff like that because:
1. I've been writing since April 2nd, 2004 (and sicne May 12, 2005 on the computer)
2. My life as I know it, all my thoughts, notes, ideas, things I learned from God, stories of His faithfulness--it's all gone.
3. Normally you wouldn't even be writing about something like this on a blog.
4. I suddenly feel like I have no known past. I'm a very introverted person, and everything I am has been contained in a 1000-page volume of my life.
5. I have to figure out reasons why it was so important to me.

Let's think of those right now.
1. My writing recorded events and happenings, as well as thoughts, feelings, and notable moments.
2.It documented 5 years worth of my story. It documented my whole walk from the time I became a Christian. It's a testament.
3. Now that I honestly look back I feel like I've written some entries just so people can read them later and understand me. Or so they can see how I understood them.

This all comes at a very strange time in my life because for the past few weeks I've been working on my writer's craft and self-teaching myself to write.

Now I believe I have all grounds to begin writing. Perhaps this is the beginning of the call. Well, considering that my writing past is wiped out (I can't believe it happened, I was planning to back up my work at night. There was no reason for it to have happened. Brand new computer. No viruses. Perfect software.).

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't care so much about the fact that my work is lost, but it kind of does bother me that all my pictures are lost, as is all my music.

Maybe God will find a way, and if He doesn't then this must be the way. I'm cool with that. Whatever He's cool with I'm cool with.

--E.A.

Church lock-in!

So, I'm really excited right now. I mean, aside from the fact that I won't get to sleep until about 7am today and getting to spend time with my church friends just having fun...yeah. I lost my track of thought. It's a really fun night. I'm the only one left in the high school room (everyone else is either eating or playing games at this point) and, what do you know, the writer is writing. How awesome. And I get to blast Skillet as loud as I want.

So we already played some amazing strobe-light dodgeball (which was super!!) and a sweet game of sardines (I think I partially conquered my fear of the dark). I'm really looking forward to crawling under the pews in spotlight tag, because that was definitely the highlight of my 30 Hour Famine experience.

On a different note, I just checked my amazon account and I made $21 from just selling random books I had in my closet. That's really exciting. I know $20 is just pocket change, but it covers my expenses (such as going to the drive-in theater last night. That was so much fun! Can't wait to go again!)

Speaking of which, the movie that we saw was "Up". Um...let me just tell you that anyone who goes to see that movie will be able to testify that it's the darkest, creepiest, weirdest, and most disturbing animated Disney movie you'll ever see. The first five minutes tell the story of how this old guy met his wife, how they couldn't have kids, and how she dies. Later in the movie someone sets his house on fire, chases him around with a gun...and this is all rated G? 

In totally unrelated news...

So my car exploded recently (poor radiator) and Logan doesn't yet know that he'll have to drive me around all of Monday because I have to go get some money out of the ATM, then go to the library to print packing slips for the books I sold on Amazon, then go to the post office to mail the books, and then he'll have to drive me to my bank to get my 'application for first-year housing' notarized so I can live with my parents my freshman year of college. 

Let me tell you what...never again. Next year, I'm out. No way. Bad idea.

So...Oh wow, it's 12 o'clock! Whoo! 

Anyways, bye.

I think things are just funnier late at night.

Yep.

I had to share this.

--E.A.

Footprints.

Unless you're in Christian circles, nobody is going to say "Oh, I really like your cross necklace!" because a cross implies 'I am a Christian, so you don't have to ask'. A cross necklace isn't really an instrument for starting discussion, rather, in non-Christian circles, it seems to be a discussion-stopper and discourages some to bring up the subject of religion due to expectations of what might be said by the cross-wearer.

For graduation my dearest got me a round necklace that features a sunset scene and on the back it says "it was then that I carried you". It is referencing a famous poem called "Footprints in the Sand", which you might have read before.

This morning at Borders the checkout lady casually said, "Oh, I really like your necklace."
"Thanks," I said, "it was a graduation present." I waited, but knew I had to explain more. "See, it's from a poem, and God and a man are walking together, and at the end of the walk the man turns around and sees that through the hardest times in life the sand has only one set of footprints. When he asks God why he abandoned him during the worst times God tells him that he didn't abandon him, he carried him. And that's what's written on the back."
"Huh," the girl said.

I wouldn't have gotten the same opportunity had my necklace been a simple cross. Sometimes a little subtelty goes a long way.


One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand.
One belonging to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
There was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is
Only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied,
"My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you!
During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."


--E.A.

Just random weird name stuff.

So I was doing some research on last names, and some of this stuff I never even knew because I was looking at Russian name meaning sites and the English ones definitely had more information:

"From a personal name, Greek Pantaleon, from pas ‘all’ (genitive pantos) + leon ‘lion’. In the altered form Panteleemon (from pan ‘all’ (genitive pantos) + eleemon ‘merciful’), it was the name borne by a saint said to have been martyred under Diocletian Nicomedia. He is the patron of physicians, having apparently been one himself. He was honored in the Eastern Church as early as the 5th century, but his cult did not reach the Western Church until the 11th century, when he was adopted as the patron saint of Venice. In the 14th century the Italian name Pantaleone came to be used for a character in the Harlequinade, a foolish old Venetian, and in some later cases the surname may have arisen as a nickname for someone who played the part of this character. It was from his prototypical costume that the term pantaloon came to be used to denote a type of loose-fitting breeches, whence the modern English word pants."

Yeah I always figured it had something to do with pants. Here's more.

This website is kind of weird, but you can enter your last name and it'll give you all kinds of odd information about it. Apparently my last name is arithmetically compatible with the word "Christian", as well as the following words: "indifferent, authentic, magnificent, quirky, talkative, ultimate, doubtful".

My first name, apparently, ranks in the census lists just above the name "Greg" and is arithmetically compatible with my favorite girls' name, Rebecca.

Another last-name compatability web-site told me that the perfect car for my last name is a Jeep. Go figure. Another site told me that the best words that describe me are "humble" and "quiet". Maybe the first. Definitely not quiet.

Battle Hymn of the Republic.

I watched through my graduation videos today. The quality was the usual "mom" quality--when the video is blurry, too zoomed-in, showing random people you don't know, having a 30-second closeup on a random teacher, attempting to focus on the back of your head, etc.
I was too zoned out to remember any of this at the ceremony, but I realized when I watched that the opening song performed by the Choir, Band, and Orchestra was actually the famous "Battle Hymn of the Republic".
I think it is a beautiful way to send off the graduates into a new world. I almost cried when I rewatched it. Here are the words (in italics are the stanzas that were sung).

----------------------------------------------------------
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps,
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps:
His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my grace shall deal;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with his heel,
Since God is marching on."

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat:
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is Wisdom to the mighty, He is Succour to the brave,
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of Time His slave,
Our God is marching on.

It's true. I've added the Battle Hymn to the list of my "life songs", up there along with "Come Thou Fount".

--E.A.

Ze madness of too many choices.

After reading through 50 newspaper-quality pages of information about available classes at IU I can honestly say:
1. I'm bored
2. I'm confused
3. I have no idea what I'm doing but I guess I'll just pick a bunch of things I'm interested in and give the list to my advisor later on

I'm serious, it feels like the whole college process, beginning last November, has been a big "they-shove-a-bunch-of-papers-in-our-hands-and-expect-us-to-run-with-them" affair. It's been absolutely chaotic. Before choosing my future classes I'm supposed to read through an 80 page instruction manual on how to choose classes and then go through and, keeping in mind all the requirements (for IUSD and CAAS), I'm supposed to pick.
Pick what?
Which classes, ones marked "non-majors" from the things I won't be majoring in, or can I choose others?
D;lkj;lkj salkfjsldjf flksjflsf sdkjhafksdjfh hskh sdhfkdsjh hjdhh wioeirbba wpoe jgg??
It's chaotic.

So I spent the whole morning highlighting the fine print in the big book of life, choosing which things I'd like to see become a part of my future. On one hand it's like choosing your own death sentence because you really don't know just where your path in the future will go and what opportunities you might miss. On the other hand it's like opening a door to certain other opportunities. Really difficult.

Here's a list of what I have highlighted so far (to keep in mind throughout my 4 years in college):

BIOL-L 111 EVOLUTION AND DIVERSITY 3C
BIOL-L 112 BIOLOGICAL MECHANISMS 3C
BIOL-L 113 BIOLOGY LABORATORY 3C
CHEM-C 117 PRINCIPLES OF CHEM & BIOCHEM I 5C (or S 117 honors)
CHEM-C 121 ELEMENTARY CHEM LAB I 2C
CHEM-C 341 ORGANIC CHEM I LECTURES 3C
COLL-E 103 CLOAK AND DAGGER 3C (literary genres)
(COLL-E 105 THE BIOLOGY OF FOOD 3C)
CMCL-C 121 PUBLIC SPEAKING 3C
CMCL-C 122 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 3C
CMCT-C 146 MAJOR CHARACTERS (& THEMES) IN LIT 3C
EDUC-U 495 SEMINAR IN LEADERSHIP TRAINING 2C
ENG-W 202 ENGLISH GRAMMAR REVIEW 1C (ah! Paaaain! Pure masochism!!!)
(maybe ENG-L 141 INTRO TO WRITING AND STUDY OF LIT) 4C
ENG-W 303 INTRO TO CREATIVE WRITING 3C
ENG-L 204 INTRO TO FICTION 3C
FINA-F- 101 FUNDAMENTAL STUDIO 3D 3C
(SPHS-A 100 AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE I 4C) might be fun
(ANTH-L 310-311 ELEMENTARY SIOUX 3-3C) also might be fun
(CLAS-L 100 ELEMENTARY LATIN 4C) might as well, right?
HISP (Spanish, don’t know my placement yet, but definitely WILL master it)
HPER-E 109 BALLROOM AND SOCIAL DANCE 1C
HPER-E 127 FENCING 1C
HIST-D 102 ICON & AXE: RUSSIA TO 1861 3C
HIST-D 103 RUSSIA 1861-PRESENT 3C (will definitely be taking these two)
MATH-M 211 CALCULUS I 4C
MATH-M 212 CALCULUS II 4C (I almost tested out of all of this in high school, but after this there aren’t really any options for math so I’m glad that this is the end of the line for me with math)
ANAT-A 215 BASIC HUMAN ANATOMY 5C
PHSL-P 215 BASIC HUMAN PHYSIOLOGY 5C
PHYS-P 210-202 GENERAL PHYSICS I-II 5-5C
POLS-Y 109 INTRO TO INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
PSY-P 101 INTRO TO PSYCHOLOGY I 3C

That’s all for now, thank goodness. Again, this is a draft, and I'll probably end up doing only half of these, but at least this shows you my areas of interest.

For some reason the “Reading and Writing Short Fiction” class is reserved for people in Hutton Honors College. What, they think I’m not good enough to take it? HA! This is just the more incentive for me to one-up everyone in my writing career.

What really creeped me out is the “Cannibalism and Identity” class offered at the Collins Living-Learning Center (the hippie dorm): “This course will examine the symbolic role of cannibalism…in which the act of eating human becomes a defining and delimiting act in the formation of a cultural and personal identity.” I guess this just shows that there are A LOT of choices.

Eh.
--E.A.

"Nena, your concert was boring."

They gave us our burial robes, ropes to put around our necks (for honor students only, of course), and sent us off to go shake hands with very old people as a "welcome-to-our-world" gesture.

I think that the reason they held us for so long back in the utility sector of Assembly Hall was to make us really want to get out of there. I mean, seriously: you get the graduates into a hot room and make them stand for 2 hours, oh yes. They'll do anything you want us to do just to make sure the ceremony gets over with.

So gradumacation. Kind of a blur. It's something that you're expected to remember for the rest of your life and you're trying to absorb as many memories as you can and yet it still ends up a blur. For example: during every single honor night you notice how different people get different amounts of applause, and I always wonder what I get. And yet every single time I always forget to listen for applause because I'm walking across the stage thinking, "Who are all these people I'm shaking hands with?" And the way they named the wrong person valedictorian, that was pretty epic as well.

I didn't have a party, but we had a small family gathering and the highlight, of course, was our epic game of charades.

At the end of it all, though, my 5 year old brother comes up to me and says, "Nena, your concert was boring." I guess it was boring. Can boring things be memorable?

--E.A.

My own words are backed up a bit.

I guess there's a lot to say, with this being the last day of school EVER and all, but I just don't feel like saying anything. I would be recounting my highly fascinating day, but I already told Logan all about it and he's really all the audience I need (to get technical I'd add "other than God as He is my audience of one"...not gonna go there. Please nothing philosophical tonight.)
Since I'm having such a hard time writing, how about a song? This one's been in my head today. The video doesn't exactly make sense. The girl shouldn't've left. But it's still a good song.

My eyes are open wide

And by the way, I made it

Through the day

I watched the world outside

By the way, I'm leaving out today

I just saw Hayley's comet

She waved

Said why you always running in place?

Even the man in the moon disappeared

Somewhere in the stratosphere[

[Chorus]

Tell my mother,

Tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize

This is my life

I hope they understand

I'm not angry, I'm just saying,

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

(feel free to look up the rest of the lyrics)

--E.A.

5 months spent with you.

Your Mom told me that when you were little she used to say that you were just an angel floating too close to the ground.

I still think that's true.

You're my angel, my dearest and sweetest person, and I don't know where I'd be right now without you. I'm so blessed that God brought us together at a time like this, and I thank Him every day for the fact that we can be together.

And today is our little 5-month celebration (it might seem insignificant but it's a milestone). I can't wait to see you so we can go through our Bible study notes, and, my dearest angel, I'd like to dedicate this song to you today (it's been stuck in my head all day, too).

Beyonce—Halo

You're an angel because I see Christ's reflection in you.

--E.A.

What's left is no longer what's right.

This morning I got to school earlier than usual. The sun had already been up for quite a while, and the sky was covered with scattered feather clouds. I sat in my parked car and watched the janitors carry away stacks of folding chairs which were no doubt being transported to Assembly Hall for graduation. "They're already sending us off," I thought, and it was true. The school has been preparing for our graduation since we first walked through its doors; its primary purpose had always been to teach us, let us get grades, put those grades on paper and into someone else's hands, and firmly yet gently push us up on the stage and out the door.

It was an odd morning, which I spent in a partial daze. I only went to school today because I didn't want to miss out on the last few opportunities to experience all there is to high school: 1) doing the morning announcements, 2) spending time with friends before school, and 3) sitting there, tapping my fingers on the desk for an hour while pretending to read and watch Saved By The Bell in study hall.

And that's why I found myself going to the library at 9 o'clock, heading out the door into the warm morning, at 68 degrees, sunny, with 55% humidity, a 51-degree dew point, and 10-mile visibility. It smelled oddly like summer and winter at the same time: the air was still and clear enough, like in winter, to have a detectable hint of small-city smog, yet warm and humid enough to make you imagine the smell of sunscreen.

The town was in vacation mode already: the students checked out last Saturday, the downtown restaurants seemed to be busy with what might have seemed like spring cleaning, and even the local palm-reader had a $10 special because she knew everyone was gone for the summer. I drove very slowly, frustrating the drivers behind me, partially in a daze and partilaly simply observing my surroundings. As a habit I parked far from the library (even though for the past year I normally parked in the "Fine For Parking" area), but I soon realized that the lot was absolutely empty--everyone was gone. It's time for us to go as well.

This must be what it feels like to be of old age. When you know it's time to let someone else take your place. When you want to go just because you're afraid that the things you love will become stale and boring. When you've mastered the art and can only sit back and watch others attempt climbing the same hills. And when the first minute of Metallica's "The Unforgiven III" keeps playing over and over in my head.

Listen to the song and tell me if that doesn't sound exactly like what's going through your head right now.

--E.A.

Have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day!

Every morning after I do the morning announcements I drop the papers in the tray, pick up my books, and give the people in the office a cheery parting greeting usually along the lines of “everyone have a good day!” or “everybody take care!”. Everyone usually replies with either “you too, honey” or “thank you, have a good day”.

Today, just because it’s a Tuesday and I have been at school since 6:50 in the morning, I decided to switch it up and over-emphasize the wonderful cheerfulness of the day (I do that a lot).

“Everyone have the most amazingly super-awesome day!” I called today.
“You too, honey, have a good day!” everyone called (that, or a variation of that).

And then I had an interesting revelation: I wished everyone a good day once, and everyone wished me a good day right back. We are called to bless others, and when we do our blessings are brought back to us and multiplied. Therefore, whatever we wish to others will be brought back to us. Whatever we give will be multiplied and given back to us.

I don’t know what the exact verse reference is for this one, but it’s somewhere in Matthew I’m sure. Here’s the main point, though (however you apply this metaphorically): if you want to have the most amazingly super-awesome day, let go of it for yourself and wish it to someone else first. Then it’ll come back to you in more ways than you can imagine.

Comic not quite fitting but funny regardless.

--E.A.

To each his own.

There's nothing like that last high school honor night when all the seniors take turns walking across the stage and hearing their accomplishments read to the audience. The experience is different for all of us I'm sure: some only receive a Physical Fitness Award or a Core 40 diploma while others announce their departure to Harvard or receiving over $100,000 in scholarships. At such honor nights there is always a lot of cheering, bored glancing at the walls, and checking out how others in the class dressed up for the occasion. There are also a lot of green-eyed monsters running around.

I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that the old saying stands true: to each his own. Just like when we pledged our allegiance to Christ and were given spiritual gifts based on how we would best be able to serve others, same way now, upon our exit from high school, we are given various merits which would best help us during college years. If person 1 is given $80,000 in tuition and person 2 only $10,000, person 1 will be going to a private out of state college and person 2 to a local school, the proportion of tuition money is still the same.

So I, with $1000 in my hands and $20,000 on credit, walked across the stage thinking "don't trip don't trip don't trip". That's how we go through life, most of the time. Thinking: 1) don't trip, 2) where do I fit into the bigger picture, and 3) why did someone get this and I only got that?

I'm pretty happy with the turnout of the night. My parents weren't able to attend the program, which is fine because it was super-boring. If they just wanted to see me walk across a stage and have my name read then they'll definitely have more chances for that in the future (ie.potential book promos, etc.) Currently, though, I am hiding the night's program from mom because she has a habit of going on about how someone else got this-and-this and I didn't. I might show it to her some years down the road if she's still interested.

In any case, watch this video below. It'll put things in perspective.



--side hugs, E.A.

PLATYPUS!

So I took a break from my Bible study today and decided to go read some of my favorite Christian blogs. I read through my usual portion of Stuff Christians Like and Hey look, a chicken!, followed by God's Blog. That last one always makes me laugh the hardest, because sometimes you just have to be reminded that yes, God has a sense of humor. And he cares about every little detail of our lives. He laughs when we laugh over the latest Fail Blog additions, and he wants us to spend time with him, to get to know him.

Well, today I found this on the Crummy Church Signs blog, and I had to repost it:

I just thought this was really funny, not so much the sign itself as the caption under it. Then I walked around asking everyone all kinds of questions about platypuses...or platypi? That is yet another question unanswered.

--E.A.

Beginning my outreach.

Recently, about a few weeks ago, God has gently nudged me in a new direction: picking up a writing project. I have been asking for one for quite some time but have never had any good ideas.
Then, one day, an idea was given to me in Physics class. No class has given me a clearer picture of the magnificence of our God like Physics has, so it is no wonder that that's exactly where the idea was born.
The thing is--over the years I have accumulated books about effective writing or those by influential authors which I have always wanted to read but haven't had time to. Now, though, God has not only provided the time but also the sudden need to read them, and I take that as a sign of the beginning of a new chapter in my writing career.

I recently realized that even though I sometimes take my writing for granted (and compare it to other people's, such as that of famous authors who are my role models) it is a gift. I saw that when I had to help a friend write a paragraph about herself for a job listing and she just couldn't string her words together.

In 8th grade God urged me to start writing on a regular basis. Over the years he has provided me with valuable role models and promises for my future life as an author. Recently he has urged me to start blogging (I'm still not fully caught on to that idea), but now I see the benefit of that--networking.
And that's where I am right now. I am beginning to do my outreach work, starting to build connections. I am constantly in contact with people on Stuff Christians Like, which directs new people to my cause. I am constantly in contact with people from The Rebelution. I am building a wide base of connections in order to pave a way for my future work and for Christ through my work.

I'm really excited about this new book idea. I know it'll go somewhere because God revealed to me that it'll turn out significant, and he never says anything he doesn't mean. Isn't that just great?

--E.A.

In ze library.

I usually spend my mornings in the school library doing whatever I didn't get done the day before. Sometimes, though, between planning out senior pranks or writing about nebulas for physics class, I get caught up with thinking up ideas for my new book.

Here are three questions I'd like you to answer:
1. If you knew you could not fail, what would you attempt?
2. If you had an hour to live, what would you do?
3. If you could do anything consequence-free (get away with it), what would you do?

I have really great hopes for this book. It'll be a psychological thriller that will certainly make you think. I've thought about this far too many times, and I think these questions interest everyone. I won't give away the overall theme, but it'll be good.

Because really...we already have a magical world with a boy wizard, a girl-next-door princess, a heartthrob vampire, and a few other books which have been written by other people but any and all of which I myself could've written had someone else not gotten to them first. So right now I'm praying for God to give me an idea that will gain common acceptance and popularity so I can jump-start my writing career. I'll come up with a list of my favorite authors and post it sometime soon.

--E.A.

God likes bikes. Yes, yes He does.

So...just as an update I'd like to say that the Lord blessed me with a selling AND a buying opportunity on the same day.I got an offer for my old bike (the 2003 Trek), and the same day God sent me an answer to my prayers about which bike to buy: someone answered my "wanted" ad from a month ago.

Once I saw the bike they were offering me I knew that it was "the one"--God lovingly provided for me exactly what I needed right when I needed it.The more awesome thing? The bike God provided is a 2006 Trek 1000--a newer (and bigger) version of the bike I was selling, which is exactly what I needed!

Did you ever get the full story? Don't ask how it happened, but I accidentally bought the wrong size bike (craigslist, of course). A 50cm (I'm 5'11...yeah). Right away I began the painstaking search for a new bike, but nothing came along.

At the same time, my chiropractic treatments resumed. I was not supposed to ride until about a month into treatments. Now, as I look back, I realize that I probably would have been riding (and thus messing up my back even more) had I not made the size mistake. So I thank God for this little oops.

Also, God had a way to turn this into a blessing: I was able to sell the "wrong" bike for more than I bought it for. In fact, the amount I got for it ended up being the exact amount the "right" bike cost me! So it's like a swap sandwich with blessings in the middle. All-around good deal that came out of a rather desperate situation. God is great.

Another cool thing? The "wrong" bike sold EXACTLY a month after it was wrongfully bought, and on that same day my new offer arrived. The moment I saw the message in my mailbox I knew it was a sign from God to buy this bike. I didn't hesitate when I saw it, I knew it was the one for me.

THIS BE THE "WRONG" BIKE: 2003 Trek 1000:

HERE BE THE "NEW" BIKE: 2006 Trek 1000: (kindly provided for me by God himself)

I can testify that everything I needed has been caringly provided to me at just the right time. God loves us so much he cares about our bikes. And we all know Jesus'd have been a cyclist if they had bikes back in his day. :)

--E.A.

The extinction of the velociraptor: scheduled within the next 3 weeks.

Yes, it is so.
I do believe the number one thing we'll all (me and my friends) miss from high school is the spontaneous velociraptor attacks.
Spilled your salad at lunch? Blame the the velociraptor.
Tripped? It's the velociraptor.
Totally lost your train of thought in class? The velociraptor.
I tried compiling a list of other things I'll miss, but I haven't been able to come up with many.
For example, we'll miss:
1- Stupid teacher quotes
2- Beep-beep of bells
3- SRT (playing cards, wasting time, and laughing at the people on the SRT show)
4- Ms. Ryser and her bootlegging incidents.
5- Cool teachers (ie. the Berzins, both of 'em)
6- Lunch buddies (ahoy for lunch at home in college)
7- Senioritis!!! We'll no longer have a legitimate reason to slack off and not care about school!
8- Mixed freshman/senior classes (putting 14-18 year olds in the same classroom = disaster)
9- "Kick-a-freshman" days
10- Cookie wrappers stuffed inside lockers
11- Anything pertaining to the concept of lockers, ie. decorating other people's with embarrassing messages, breaking into them, figuring out who keeps theirs open, decorating your own with spongebob coloring pages, etc.
12- Drunk-driving lectures before prom from overly emotional old ladies who had their moms-dads-brothers-sisters-children-inlaws-soulmates-shipmates-acquaintances-cousins twice removed killed in accidents.
13- Pointless school clubs which proclaim that collecting 20 cans for a food drive counts as "doing good work"
14- Robert!
15- The train game
16- People who claim to be "political environmental activists" and yet can't figure out a solution to the lunch tray problem (I should do a separate post on this because seriously: if I am more concerned about your environment than you are (oh you who tell us to "love your Mother earth") then you know something is wrong)
17- People who don't know how to support their opinions (and are thus really entertaining to have debates with)
18- Seeing the special ed kids in the halls every morning and smiling at them just to see how many smiles I can get back
19- Getting free access to research sites/city newspaper
20- Mr. Pizzo (Mr. P if you're reading this right now just know that I'm in B217 and you're welcome to come in for a visit...I know you're watching!!! By the way, I had no printer privileges for over a year thanks to you! Oh yes, and I saw you run into the library door once because your umbrella got caught on the handle. Just thought I'd let you know.)

That's my humble list for now. I'll add more later if I think of something.
Government class is almost over, I have to pretend like I've been doing something productive. An, that's yet another thing I'll miss, because in college you can be unproductive and nobody really cares.

--E.A.

Riding today.

I can't remember exactly what I wanted this post to be about because I lost my train (or trek, with no cycling pun intended) of thought when I went on MapQuest to try figuring out my exact trip distance. Since the bike I am riding right now is listed for sale on eBay (check it out http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=170330475635 ) and Craigslist, I decided not to put on the cyclocompurer which would normally calculate my distance for me.

Funny: I was riding on Rhorer today and they have horses. Since I just scaled a huge hill I was getting a drink from my water bottle, but the horses distracted me so right as I reached to put the bottle back in the cage slip-it-goes onto the road and rolls down into the ditch. Of course I get off my bike (and the horses are watching me, I'm sure they'd be laughing if they knew what was happening) and walk to retreive my bottle. Just then an older cyclist rides past me, laughing, and says, "That's what I call groundwater." I just laughed, too. Apparently he was behind me the whole time (he saw me struggle up that hill, ugh, and saw me totally throw my bottle).

Okay this is a picture of my bike from eBay, and I don't know if it'll still be here when the listing goes down. Please pray that the darn thing would sell already so I can buy a bike that fits me. I'm really tired of having a sore neck from the fact that it's too small and the handlebars are too far down.

--E.A.

Graduations & Weddings.

Out of all the things today which could have made me laugh, IU CREDIT UNION made my day today.
I was having a hard time getting my PayPal accounts to work with my new eBay account (anyone wanna buy a road bike, by the way?) and I was absolutely frustrated and almost ready to cry.
Until I tried setting up security questions for my IUCU account.
Well, apparently on their site they tell you what security questions you have to answer, so my first question was "What year did you graduate from high school?" Even though that's still exactly 3 weeks in my future, I put 2009. It's the correct answer, right? IUCU didn't think so.
I got "Denied!"
So they ask me my next question: "What month is your wedding anniversary? (Enter full name of month)." I honestly didn't know what to say for that one. The answer "Um...what?" only brought me back to the "Please try again" screen and we started all over with the graduation question.

And why is it called a "challenge" question anyways? While you might say that for some it might be challenging to remember their own wedding anniversary, it honestly can't be that hard. After about 10 rounds of battling with the Stupid Question Bot I got a good question I was able to answer: "What city were you born in?" Easy, right?

Well. I entered in my birth city. AND IT GOT DENIED. Seriously!! Does the Stupid Question Bot think it knows where I was born or something? I typed in the right answer about 5 times, after which the automated system logged me out and told me to "contact the administrators". Hm.
I remember answering security questions at the bank, but if they never asked me when my wedding anniversary was, why would they offer that as a security question? That's ridiculous.
Even though I got some laughs I'm still really frustrated.



--E.A.

Your and your smiles are all I live for.

If Christ is all that's good, then there can be nothing good apart from him.
Therefore, when we are apart from Christ, or are under the illusion that we are withdrawn from the presence of Christ, nothing good can exist.
Therefore, nothing good is in us when we are apart from Christ.
Nothing in us is good when Christ is not with us.

That is why I'm so terrified of stepping out of the lines God's created for me: I'm terrified of myself to the point of nightmares. My own person is nothing apart from God. Nothing I do will be good apart from God. All plans I start apart from God will fail.

When I am in God's light I see Jesus in the mirror, because He gave himself for my life and God sees His reflection in my heart when I honestly seek his ways and accept his grace.
When I am out of God's light I see the girl from The Exorcist. If you want nightmares type that into Google. You'll see what I look like. What you look like.

Every day I choose to die to what I want in order to get what I need, which is always graciously and abundantly (as well as undeservedly) provided to me by Christ. Every moment I have to die in order to let Christ live in me. I have to hold myself by the neck with a deathgrip every single day of my life until my last breath. If I let my real nature take the best of me for even one second, I lose it all. Every moment for me is like a moment spent in a pit with lions. Whom I will gladly allow to rip apart my body, knowing that they cannot take my soul.
...etc.

I just want to apologize to everyone I might have hurt today. May I quote our recent scripture?
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...As it is, it is no longer i myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Please forgive me. I try my best for You (and you, both of yous at the same time for the same purpose). I'm always trying to put You and you above myself, in that order. As much as I say that I would carry Your heaviest cross and take your toughest AP test just so You and you wouldn't have to go through it, that type of self-sacrificial love is only tested by time. Real love, whose path I deviate from oh-so-many times.
On one hand, You know what's in my heart before I think it or write it.
On the other hand, you won't get to read this until much later. Just know that this was here all along.

--E.A.

I am.

In sociology today we did the only productive and fun activity I feel like we'll do the whole trimester. We had to write down 20 qualities that describe our personality and then the teacher read them to the class and we all tried guessing who was who. Here are some of the ones I put down:
1. Christian
2. Russian
3. Writer
4. Conservative
5. Leader
6. Outspoken
7. Likes heavy metal
8. Piano player
9. IU student
10. Reliable
11. Straight-forward
12. Science tutor
13. Supportive
14. Introspective

etc. It's a really lame list. I acknowledge that.
But I want to switch it up for just now. Why don't I think of some things I'm not?
I'm not:
1. A monkey
2. A real writer (sadly I consider that to be as true as #1)
3. Russian by culture (by birth/heritage only)
4. A worm-can picker
5. An overly social person
6. Perfect

That brings me to another important point, something that would put a more of a realistic spin on this post and make it useful (refer to #2 above). All sins are the same in the sight of God. Murder is more than killing. Lies are more than speaking. Because they are all the same God forgives them with equal fervor. However, the Bible does give us a clear description of what we all are:
1. Idolaters
2. Liars
3. Adulterers
4. Murderers
5. Slanderers
6. Thiefs
7. Coveters

And yet how beautiful it is to know that, while we are all those things, God's grace extends to cover every single one with the image of Jesus' perfection.
It is only through God that I am able to be all the things I listed in the very first list.
It is only through God that I can overcome and become more.
And it is only through God that I can be something greater than the passing moment.
Better than the earth I came from.

Etc.

--E.A.

Recycling my thoughts.

I had to go to the recycling center today to pick up “containers with lids” for the mural I'll be painting. I had no idea they had so much random junk at the recycling center! They even have a clothes rack. I really didn’t like being at the recycling center because it felt like I was going through trash, which wasn’t pleasant. And I only found two good containers for paint.
I always thought I had a clear grasp on the conditions of less fortunate people, but I think that we are all doing a lot of wishful thinking there. We are not very understanding at all. I felt like, “ew, recycling center, I don’t want to touch stuff,” all the while I watched two older ladies going through the clothes rack. Maybe I need to get out more. Not “out”, but more like out there, doing something productive with myself. I'm not narrow-minded and I do enjoy serving people, but today it was just interesting to note that my thought pattern on location didn't go with my usual thought pattern.

I never really thought about this so much, but I’ve recently realized that the mental list of “things I’d like to one day see happen” is my list of goals. This is kind of fascinating, and these are in no particular order really, but in my lifetime I want to:
1. Donate $1,000,000 (or more! The more God blesses me the more I’ll bless others!)
2. Travel to Africa with missions
3. Travel to India with missions
4. Write a popular novel series
5. Learn to play the Balalaika
6. Adopt a child
7. Skydive
8. Travel Europe and Asia
9. Help revolutionize Christianity in Russia
10. Get a D.D.S. degree
11. Then have lots of pretty babies (emphasis on the “lots” and the “pretty”)
12. Then be a housewife for a while (this is where the “write a popular novel series” will most likely happen)
13. Then open my practice
14. Then open a boutique (I’ll be overworked, I know)
I just want to do AWESOME STUFF FOR GOD. That sums up my life’s goals. Whatever that takes, really.

Okay I have no idea where this thought is going. I kind of lost it after a while. How this all ties into the recycling center I'm not quite sure.

--E.A.

Pictures that make smile like this ---> :D

--E.A.

CUY?

GUINEA PIGS! (<----Delicious Pictures!)

Ingredients
2 lrg guinea pigs
2 red onions, chopped
4 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tsp cumin
1 tsp white pepper
2 tsp salt
2 tbl water
2 tbl cooking oil
annatto (for coloring)
Peanut Dipping Sauce

Directions
Mix ingredients well and spread over the inside and outside of the animal. Allow to marinate for up to one day to allow flavors to meld. Before roasting, remove excess marinade to avoid scalding. Insert a steak into the back part of the animal and allow to exit from the jaw. Once on the stick, tie the front and back feet, stretching out the legs. Put on grill, turning manually. Continue to apply lard to the skin to avoid drying out the meat. The cuy is ready when the skin is close to bursting. Serve with boiled potatoes sprinkled with coriander, chilies, and the Peanut sauce. If your community is especially progressive, rice may be substituted for the potatoes.

Bon Appetit!

--E.A.

Final battle with basement cat.

We’re very selfish people who receive a gift we can’t handle. We do the most unloving things we could have ever possibly done. We only worry about what we want, what we need, and we don't think. Yes, we know, it could’ve been a lot worse. And we bring it upon ourselves. It’s human nature.
It's our own fault that we're completely addicted to everything we do. I wish we could say the same about our God, say that we want him by our side every waking moment of our lives. I myself must’ve been lying in church when I was the only one defending the position that it is easier to love God than man. I said that God is always with us, and it’s easier to have reminders of his everlasting love through all creation and through the Bible. But now I see otherwise. It is easier to want those things which fulfill our selfish needs. God never grants our selfish requests, and that is why we try finding fulfillment elsewhere. And that is the farthest from what true love is. Shouldn’t I know better than that?
No, I'm sure we all feel like hypocrites some days. As much as we want what we want we have to make a few sacrifices. We get a gift I can’t handle, so we have to be extra careful to keep it on the shelf until the right time. Which most likely isn’t for another 6 years, right? Everyone’s lives will be a lot more fulfilling if we all learn to live by the benefits that come from that sort of sacrifice.
I'll try falling asleep now without feeling horrible for being so stupid. I know better than that! But at the same time not accepting God’s grace is like saying that it’s not perfect enough to cover every little aspect of our lives. I know people have already died without you because of my selfishness. I’ll try harder in the future. After all, I’ve gotten this far with your help, how can I doubt your perfect guidance?

--E.A.