What we are is God's gift to us.

In the midst of confusion and nearly crying over the frustration of having to decide the rest of my life by choosing my college schedule, and in a sudden flash of perhaps divine inspiration (during a written prayer for showing me what to do) I wrote the following:

To each of us You give our own unknown. You know each of our paths of life the best,Transforming our heart into your ownIn ways you know we will be blessed.I never would have guessedYour throneCould have been reached through ways you’ve shown,But faithful walk of life remains my test.


What we possess is nothing in Your eyes.We live in darkness that we think to be the light.We feel our way, and we like blind men riseTo fall away again; it is our blightTo think our flight a glorious fight.To think we’re wiseBelieving easy lovely liesWhich tell us that our blood-stained clothes are white.


Thus nothing good can be apart from You.And thus we must accept the hand we’re given.And know that we’ll be carried throughAll lies by which we’re driven,And our blood-stained clothes are white because we’re forgiven:Because of You.And not to us the glory’s dueBecause, apart from You, we’re just relivingPast mistakes; Through which we’re shown:To each of us You give his own.

I found this illustration and I think it's really fitting.

--E.A.

1/2 A YEAR.

I'm somewhat at a loss of words, simply because the best things in life either go unspoken or don't need to be said. Therefore I will not attempt commenting any further on the event itself but will rather report the facts:

a half a year doesn't seem that long but at the same time the time seems to have stood still.

if it is God's will, i hope half a year becomes a year, and then many more.

(travel update: I'm somewhere by British Columbia and I have no idea how I got there...

on a similar note, Glacier National Park seems to have one fatal and critical flaw: no phone service. And no phone service means I was near tears the whole day (despite the breathtaking views) because I couldn't call a certain someone.)

--E.A.

"What did a fish say when it hit the concrete wall?" -- "Dam."

The day is ending the same way it began: with me sitting with a wad of tissue up my nose wondering why it's bleeding. Maybe it's payback for the two times I successfully elbowed Logan in the nose? Maybe it's the mountains? Maybe it's just my stupid nose.

Our rafting guide from the trip actually said this today as we were merrily floating along:
"So when you all write in your diary today you have to say this:
Dear Diary,

I had a lot of fun on the rafting trip today with our wonderful guides who did a great job even though we were almost smitten by lightning."

Indeed.

All through the day today I kept having all these great things to say pop up in my head but, unfortunatly, I did not have pen and paper nearby and my short-term memory is...oh look, a squirrel. Especially since I have to use another one of the hotel computers in the lobby and the first time I came down they were all taken. So I went up to the front desk and asked, "Are these the only guest computers you have in your establishment."
The guy gave me a we-get-that-question-a-lot look and said, "Yes maam."

"But..." I started in a but-mom! voice, "I have my own business that needs prompt attention!" Yeah. The business of making sure the thoughts in my mind don't clog the blood supply to my brain.

Kidding. I wish I said that, but instead I went up to my room and helped myself to some more broccoli soup, orange chicken, and a reading of "Jackson Daily".

On our rafting trip today we had more fun than we imagined. Our 3-hour raft tour was caught in the middle of a huge thunderstorm. Even though we signed up for a "scenic" trip, we ended up taking a "whitewater" trip on the same route. Lightning was hitting about every 10 second and we had to have an emergency pull-off into some trees on the side of the river. It was actually kind of awesome, even though we were absolutely soaked (despite the raingear) and it was about 52 degrees. It was definitely a once in a lifetime experience, having to do all the survivor stuff and everything.

Our guide, Maria, was completely awesome. Apparently in the winter she teaches communication classes to "enginerds" at the University of Utah, so she kept us entertained through the whole trip. I listened closely to her manner of speech, and she used so many interesting metaphors and expressions that I wish I had brought along my notepad.

We saw a few pelicans but, sadly, the only moose I saw so far was on the logo of my Abercrombie jacket.

Now I'm just waiting for the deCycles blog to update. I really want to know what they're up to, as today is the first day of their wonderful trip. I got a brief from Logan, who mentioned that he got a wonderful butterfly kiss today.

"From an actual butterfly, I hope," I told him.

He laughed. "Yes, a butterfly hit me in the mouth as I was riding along the highway."
"Well," I said, "It was one of my messengers, to send kisses your way."
"Oh really?" he laughed again. "Then what color was it?"

I thought. "Yellow." My favorite color, of course.

"Wow, so it was from you."

And now I think I'll let someone else use the computer.

--E.A.

Woohoo for Wyoming.

So I guess we're in Wyoming. I'm writing from a hotel right now and at least I'm glad they have computers.
Plane ride was fun. To an extent. I'm sad I only got 1 bag of peanuts because I like those. :(
Driving was boring, but Ken Follett is a wonderful writer so I read quite a bit.
We'll be driving up to Yellowstone tomorrow. Whoo.
Okay I have nothing more to say so I'll go back up to the room.

Someone I'll miss a lot.

I won't get to see this face for 26 days.

He's going on his biking trip to the East until July 12th and I'm going to Yellowstone until June 29th. I'll miss you like a fat kid on a diet misses cake! Have a good trip, and please be safe.

& I'm sure you'll miss your boat. :)

1 Thessalonians 5:28: "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you."
--E.A.

My personal writing & file save win.

So, yesterday I wrote about the possibility of all my writing and pictures being lost because, unexpectedly, my computer decided to super-act-up and completely break. I stayed up really late because I had to come to grips with the reality that all my work has been lost forever, and that was very tough. I finally accepted it, and my day went as follows:
Get up, 9am.
Chat with HP customer service until 2pm.
Make a note of lack of professionalism.
Remove and reinstall hard drive/RAM.
2:30pm drive to Best Buy to get the Geek Squad to look at it.
Laugh because the Geek Squad guy reminded me of Micah.
3pm Geek Squad said it was a "motherboard" problem. Send it in.
4pm Get details from lady on sending it in.
Note lack of English-speaking skills of this lady, who took 15 minutes just to spell my last name.
4:30pm Go back to Geek Squad and dish out a beefy sum to get my memory backed up.
5pm Get picked up by Logan for dinner with his family.

This made me think about these things:
1. I payed quite a price to have my files moved to a disk before they get wiped out at HP. Is it worth that much for memories?
Answer: YES
2. What purpose do I write for?
Answer: I realized that my writings aren't personal journals, they're meant to be shared with an audience. Therefore...
3. Does lack of audience devalue my writing?
Answer: YES
4. Was I upset about losing all my writing because nobody got to read it or because it was my personal memories?
Answer: Most of my writing is the story of what God's done in my life. Therefore, not to have shared it takes out its value and purpose of sharing all He's done for me.
5. What upsets me most about the possibility of having lost my writing?
Answer: The fact that people might not get a clear understanding of what was going on behind the scenes or who I am.

Solutions:
1. You have a blog, use it. Publish.
2. Live so people don't have to refer to your writing to find out what you really think.

I think this was God's call to action. I've been on the fence about writing a novel for quite a while, so I think this is a clear pointer to "writing" and what needs to be done with it. So off I go.

--E.A.

Please tell me this is not happening.

Hey, for all I know my laptop might just be having a bout. Maybe this is God's way of letting me have some time away from it for a while and have some important questions answered. It kind of does come at a very ironic time, but the timing here isn't actually the matter.
I'm absolutely devastated.
I have grounds to believe that my brand-new laptop wiped out 5 years worth of my work.
I was planning on backing it up later that day.

It's not easy to come to terms with stuff like that because:
1. I've been writing since April 2nd, 2004 (and sicne May 12, 2005 on the computer)
2. My life as I know it, all my thoughts, notes, ideas, things I learned from God, stories of His faithfulness--it's all gone.
3. Normally you wouldn't even be writing about something like this on a blog.
4. I suddenly feel like I have no known past. I'm a very introverted person, and everything I am has been contained in a 1000-page volume of my life.
5. I have to figure out reasons why it was so important to me.

Let's think of those right now.
1. My writing recorded events and happenings, as well as thoughts, feelings, and notable moments.
2.It documented 5 years worth of my story. It documented my whole walk from the time I became a Christian. It's a testament.
3. Now that I honestly look back I feel like I've written some entries just so people can read them later and understand me. Or so they can see how I understood them.

This all comes at a very strange time in my life because for the past few weeks I've been working on my writer's craft and self-teaching myself to write.

Now I believe I have all grounds to begin writing. Perhaps this is the beginning of the call. Well, considering that my writing past is wiped out (I can't believe it happened, I was planning to back up my work at night. There was no reason for it to have happened. Brand new computer. No viruses. Perfect software.).

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't care so much about the fact that my work is lost, but it kind of does bother me that all my pictures are lost, as is all my music.

Maybe God will find a way, and if He doesn't then this must be the way. I'm cool with that. Whatever He's cool with I'm cool with.

--E.A.

Church lock-in!

So, I'm really excited right now. I mean, aside from the fact that I won't get to sleep until about 7am today and getting to spend time with my church friends just having fun...yeah. I lost my track of thought. It's a really fun night. I'm the only one left in the high school room (everyone else is either eating or playing games at this point) and, what do you know, the writer is writing. How awesome. And I get to blast Skillet as loud as I want.

So we already played some amazing strobe-light dodgeball (which was super!!) and a sweet game of sardines (I think I partially conquered my fear of the dark). I'm really looking forward to crawling under the pews in spotlight tag, because that was definitely the highlight of my 30 Hour Famine experience.

On a different note, I just checked my amazon account and I made $21 from just selling random books I had in my closet. That's really exciting. I know $20 is just pocket change, but it covers my expenses (such as going to the drive-in theater last night. That was so much fun! Can't wait to go again!)

Speaking of which, the movie that we saw was "Up". Um...let me just tell you that anyone who goes to see that movie will be able to testify that it's the darkest, creepiest, weirdest, and most disturbing animated Disney movie you'll ever see. The first five minutes tell the story of how this old guy met his wife, how they couldn't have kids, and how she dies. Later in the movie someone sets his house on fire, chases him around with a gun...and this is all rated G? 

In totally unrelated news...

So my car exploded recently (poor radiator) and Logan doesn't yet know that he'll have to drive me around all of Monday because I have to go get some money out of the ATM, then go to the library to print packing slips for the books I sold on Amazon, then go to the post office to mail the books, and then he'll have to drive me to my bank to get my 'application for first-year housing' notarized so I can live with my parents my freshman year of college. 

Let me tell you what...never again. Next year, I'm out. No way. Bad idea.

So...Oh wow, it's 12 o'clock! Whoo! 

Anyways, bye.

I think things are just funnier late at night.

Yep.

I had to share this.

--E.A.

Footprints.

Unless you're in Christian circles, nobody is going to say "Oh, I really like your cross necklace!" because a cross implies 'I am a Christian, so you don't have to ask'. A cross necklace isn't really an instrument for starting discussion, rather, in non-Christian circles, it seems to be a discussion-stopper and discourages some to bring up the subject of religion due to expectations of what might be said by the cross-wearer.

For graduation my dearest got me a round necklace that features a sunset scene and on the back it says "it was then that I carried you". It is referencing a famous poem called "Footprints in the Sand", which you might have read before.

This morning at Borders the checkout lady casually said, "Oh, I really like your necklace."
"Thanks," I said, "it was a graduation present." I waited, but knew I had to explain more. "See, it's from a poem, and God and a man are walking together, and at the end of the walk the man turns around and sees that through the hardest times in life the sand has only one set of footprints. When he asks God why he abandoned him during the worst times God tells him that he didn't abandon him, he carried him. And that's what's written on the back."
"Huh," the girl said.

I wouldn't have gotten the same opportunity had my necklace been a simple cross. Sometimes a little subtelty goes a long way.


One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand.
One belonging to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
There was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is
Only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied,
"My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you!
During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."


--E.A.

Just random weird name stuff.

So I was doing some research on last names, and some of this stuff I never even knew because I was looking at Russian name meaning sites and the English ones definitely had more information:

"From a personal name, Greek Pantaleon, from pas ‘all’ (genitive pantos) + leon ‘lion’. In the altered form Panteleemon (from pan ‘all’ (genitive pantos) + eleemon ‘merciful’), it was the name borne by a saint said to have been martyred under Diocletian Nicomedia. He is the patron of physicians, having apparently been one himself. He was honored in the Eastern Church as early as the 5th century, but his cult did not reach the Western Church until the 11th century, when he was adopted as the patron saint of Venice. In the 14th century the Italian name Pantaleone came to be used for a character in the Harlequinade, a foolish old Venetian, and in some later cases the surname may have arisen as a nickname for someone who played the part of this character. It was from his prototypical costume that the term pantaloon came to be used to denote a type of loose-fitting breeches, whence the modern English word pants."

Yeah I always figured it had something to do with pants. Here's more.

This website is kind of weird, but you can enter your last name and it'll give you all kinds of odd information about it. Apparently my last name is arithmetically compatible with the word "Christian", as well as the following words: "indifferent, authentic, magnificent, quirky, talkative, ultimate, doubtful".

My first name, apparently, ranks in the census lists just above the name "Greg" and is arithmetically compatible with my favorite girls' name, Rebecca.

Another last-name compatability web-site told me that the perfect car for my last name is a Jeep. Go figure. Another site told me that the best words that describe me are "humble" and "quiet". Maybe the first. Definitely not quiet.

Battle Hymn of the Republic.

I watched through my graduation videos today. The quality was the usual "mom" quality--when the video is blurry, too zoomed-in, showing random people you don't know, having a 30-second closeup on a random teacher, attempting to focus on the back of your head, etc.
I was too zoned out to remember any of this at the ceremony, but I realized when I watched that the opening song performed by the Choir, Band, and Orchestra was actually the famous "Battle Hymn of the Republic".
I think it is a beautiful way to send off the graduates into a new world. I almost cried when I rewatched it. Here are the words (in italics are the stanzas that were sung).

----------------------------------------------------------
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps,
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps:
His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my grace shall deal;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with his heel,
Since God is marching on."

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat:
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is Wisdom to the mighty, He is Succour to the brave,
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of Time His slave,
Our God is marching on.

It's true. I've added the Battle Hymn to the list of my "life songs", up there along with "Come Thou Fount".

--E.A.

Ze madness of too many choices.

After reading through 50 newspaper-quality pages of information about available classes at IU I can honestly say:
1. I'm bored
2. I'm confused
3. I have no idea what I'm doing but I guess I'll just pick a bunch of things I'm interested in and give the list to my advisor later on

I'm serious, it feels like the whole college process, beginning last November, has been a big "they-shove-a-bunch-of-papers-in-our-hands-and-expect-us-to-run-with-them" affair. It's been absolutely chaotic. Before choosing my future classes I'm supposed to read through an 80 page instruction manual on how to choose classes and then go through and, keeping in mind all the requirements (for IUSD and CAAS), I'm supposed to pick.
Pick what?
Which classes, ones marked "non-majors" from the things I won't be majoring in, or can I choose others?
D;lkj;lkj salkfjsldjf flksjflsf sdkjhafksdjfh hskh sdhfkdsjh hjdhh wioeirbba wpoe jgg??
It's chaotic.

So I spent the whole morning highlighting the fine print in the big book of life, choosing which things I'd like to see become a part of my future. On one hand it's like choosing your own death sentence because you really don't know just where your path in the future will go and what opportunities you might miss. On the other hand it's like opening a door to certain other opportunities. Really difficult.

Here's a list of what I have highlighted so far (to keep in mind throughout my 4 years in college):

BIOL-L 111 EVOLUTION AND DIVERSITY 3C
BIOL-L 112 BIOLOGICAL MECHANISMS 3C
BIOL-L 113 BIOLOGY LABORATORY 3C
CHEM-C 117 PRINCIPLES OF CHEM & BIOCHEM I 5C (or S 117 honors)
CHEM-C 121 ELEMENTARY CHEM LAB I 2C
CHEM-C 341 ORGANIC CHEM I LECTURES 3C
COLL-E 103 CLOAK AND DAGGER 3C (literary genres)
(COLL-E 105 THE BIOLOGY OF FOOD 3C)
CMCL-C 121 PUBLIC SPEAKING 3C
CMCL-C 122 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 3C
CMCT-C 146 MAJOR CHARACTERS (& THEMES) IN LIT 3C
EDUC-U 495 SEMINAR IN LEADERSHIP TRAINING 2C
ENG-W 202 ENGLISH GRAMMAR REVIEW 1C (ah! Paaaain! Pure masochism!!!)
(maybe ENG-L 141 INTRO TO WRITING AND STUDY OF LIT) 4C
ENG-W 303 INTRO TO CREATIVE WRITING 3C
ENG-L 204 INTRO TO FICTION 3C
FINA-F- 101 FUNDAMENTAL STUDIO 3D 3C
(SPHS-A 100 AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE I 4C) might be fun
(ANTH-L 310-311 ELEMENTARY SIOUX 3-3C) also might be fun
(CLAS-L 100 ELEMENTARY LATIN 4C) might as well, right?
HISP (Spanish, don’t know my placement yet, but definitely WILL master it)
HPER-E 109 BALLROOM AND SOCIAL DANCE 1C
HPER-E 127 FENCING 1C
HIST-D 102 ICON & AXE: RUSSIA TO 1861 3C
HIST-D 103 RUSSIA 1861-PRESENT 3C (will definitely be taking these two)
MATH-M 211 CALCULUS I 4C
MATH-M 212 CALCULUS II 4C (I almost tested out of all of this in high school, but after this there aren’t really any options for math so I’m glad that this is the end of the line for me with math)
ANAT-A 215 BASIC HUMAN ANATOMY 5C
PHSL-P 215 BASIC HUMAN PHYSIOLOGY 5C
PHYS-P 210-202 GENERAL PHYSICS I-II 5-5C
POLS-Y 109 INTRO TO INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
PSY-P 101 INTRO TO PSYCHOLOGY I 3C

That’s all for now, thank goodness. Again, this is a draft, and I'll probably end up doing only half of these, but at least this shows you my areas of interest.

For some reason the “Reading and Writing Short Fiction” class is reserved for people in Hutton Honors College. What, they think I’m not good enough to take it? HA! This is just the more incentive for me to one-up everyone in my writing career.

What really creeped me out is the “Cannibalism and Identity” class offered at the Collins Living-Learning Center (the hippie dorm): “This course will examine the symbolic role of cannibalism…in which the act of eating human becomes a defining and delimiting act in the formation of a cultural and personal identity.” I guess this just shows that there are A LOT of choices.

Eh.
--E.A.