Please tell me this is not happening.

Hey, for all I know my laptop might just be having a bout. Maybe this is God's way of letting me have some time away from it for a while and have some important questions answered. It kind of does come at a very ironic time, but the timing here isn't actually the matter.
I'm absolutely devastated.
I have grounds to believe that my brand-new laptop wiped out 5 years worth of my work.
I was planning on backing it up later that day.

It's not easy to come to terms with stuff like that because:
1. I've been writing since April 2nd, 2004 (and sicne May 12, 2005 on the computer)
2. My life as I know it, all my thoughts, notes, ideas, things I learned from God, stories of His faithfulness--it's all gone.
3. Normally you wouldn't even be writing about something like this on a blog.
4. I suddenly feel like I have no known past. I'm a very introverted person, and everything I am has been contained in a 1000-page volume of my life.
5. I have to figure out reasons why it was so important to me.

Let's think of those right now.
1. My writing recorded events and happenings, as well as thoughts, feelings, and notable moments.
2.It documented 5 years worth of my story. It documented my whole walk from the time I became a Christian. It's a testament.
3. Now that I honestly look back I feel like I've written some entries just so people can read them later and understand me. Or so they can see how I understood them.

This all comes at a very strange time in my life because for the past few weeks I've been working on my writer's craft and self-teaching myself to write.

Now I believe I have all grounds to begin writing. Perhaps this is the beginning of the call. Well, considering that my writing past is wiped out (I can't believe it happened, I was planning to back up my work at night. There was no reason for it to have happened. Brand new computer. No viruses. Perfect software.).

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't care so much about the fact that my work is lost, but it kind of does bother me that all my pictures are lost, as is all my music.

Maybe God will find a way, and if He doesn't then this must be the way. I'm cool with that. Whatever He's cool with I'm cool with.

--E.A.